A poem about embracing your mess
You’re alive today, isn’t it grand? You’re ALIVE today, give yourself a big hand. There were so many people who weren’t given a chance, to wake up with a smile on their face and say I have one more chance.
You’re ALIVE today, so allow yourself to smile, to feel the air in your lungs, to walk that extra mile.
Feel the wind on your face, listen to the birds chirping too, smell the sweet air around you touch the people you love; hold them near, use all your senses and be happy you are here.
You were given this chance, don’t take it for granted, embrace the beautiful mess that is yours, and be grateful for it all, there are so many people who didn’t wake up to fall. Falling is a part of life, we can’t get away without stumbling once or twice, but think of what a privilege it is to do so, isn’t it nice?
Choose to dance even if you can’t, feel the rhythm of life move you, and embrace the energy running right through you. There are so many out there that can’t walk and are wishing they could, so feel the rhythm, and be happy that you can move at all even if it’s tough for you.
Allow yourself to let go, and be who you are. Be silly, be stupid, be weird, and laugh at the mess that you’re, there are so many who weren’t given that chance today, consider yourself blessed, even if at times you may feel stressed.
Life can seem tough at times, but when you’re grateful you will see, that life is a privilege not given to everyone, and how beautiful it can be.
This is a post for all of those who are living with some form of Traumatic Brain injury, including, but not limited to Epilepsy, Parkinson’s, Cerebral Palsy, Hydrocephalus, and PTSD. This is a post also for those who love someone, care for someone, and know someone who has TBI.
For all those out there who feel left out, abnormal, anxious, depressed, paranoid, and lost, know that things will be okay. Know that you will survive, and know that there is still hope. Know that if there may not be an effective treatment right now, or any treatment at all depending on what you are going through, that it’s okay to feel less than normal, and that feeling less than normal doesn’t make you abnormal at all. Know that things will be tough at times, but with each new day comes a unique chance to move forward. To love yourself a little more, to embrace your mess with an open heart, and an open mind, even when both are struggling to stay open at all.
Life will be messy at times, you’re going to have your good times and bad, your upsides and downsides, and your highs and your lows, none of this means that it is the end for you. Embrace your mess, because your mess is beautiful, embrace your inner chaos, and your outward perception of what your life may appear, and love it. No pain lasts forever. Find your joy, and permit yourself to feel it. Be grateful for your brain, and the misery its caused you, and know that that brain as crazy as it might be is yours, and your mind is unique, and it’s one of a kind, and even though it may seem to be abnormal to others around you, it is normal for you.
I have been living with Cerebral Palsy, Hydrocephalus, and Epilepsy for thirty-eight years, and for the past six( when I started to allow myself to see how beautiful my broken brain is after three brain surgeries were unsuccessful.) I began to appreciate my brain more and more, and love it for what it’s given me, all the pain, sorrow and misery. I see happiness joy and feel gratitude now, and I am at peace with my reality. I am normal, even if I don’t appear to be. I am normal because I am me.
I have been living with Epilepsy for twenty-five years, but I was never woken up to the fact until I turned thirty-two years old and even then it was a challenge. I’ll come back to that later, but first a little background into who I am and how this all started.
I was born July 23, 1980, one of two twin boys. My brother born healthy, and I born with Hydrocephalus and Cerebral Palsy. Around the time I was ten years old, I began to develop epilepsy. I can remember my first seizure like it were yesterday. I woke up, sheets soaked, shaking uncontrollably. My parents rushed me to the hospital where they hooked me up to monitors. They were then given the news that I had Temporal Lobe Epilepsy.
Throughout the years, I would be put on twenty-eight different medications. All of which had terrible side effects, and that made me feel ” less than normal ” which is something that I thought growing up with CP, I was less than normal anyway.
As years passed, I would only let my thoughts get the best of me. Anger turned into hate, and fear turned into worry — all of which, making myself and my situation much worse.
Twenty-two years later, after numerous attempts to try and end my life, feeling like a failure at the work that I love to do, and just plain mental exhaustion from life. Everything came to a head. In Sept of 2012, I had a series of seizures that caused me to go unconscious.
I had no idea if I would wake up from them, but thankfully I did. After weeks of testing and recovery at the hospital, I was told that I was a candidate for surgery.
During my recovery at home, I began to read everything I could on happiness and gratitude and post inspiring messages on my Facebook page. After months of doing this, I realized how great it made me feel,
In February of 2013, I had my brain surgeries, after the operations I found out that my surgeries may not work. That the activity may spread to other areas of my brain, there was a silver lining, however. My left hand had more movement than it ever had before. I was extremely grateful for this! I noticed that I also had more clarity and focus. All awesome things!
As the months, and now years passed, I have noticed some changes in my seizure activity. The way I handle them is entirely different though, I don’t let them get to my head, and with the meditation, and mindset techniques that I use have all allowed me to live a “normal” life.
I wake up happy, and grateful for everything. Moreover, I have never been so in love with life as I am now.
It is my mission now to help those with Epilepsy and other neurological disorders like mine live abundant, happy lives and thrive.
You can learn more about me on my Facebook page Keep on Keeping on.
Thank you, and keep on keeping on!